The Most Important Insight I Gained after Deconstructing

By Celestine Alderwood

Upon leaving a lengthy, highly conservative relationship with my children in tow, I began rethinking my beliefs.

This was only possible after we found safety and freedom. I remember feeling grateful to the higher power we were taught to believe in. Still, a flood of emotions followed — I was furious that I had allowed someone to hold a sacred text up on an unreachable pedestal while not doing the same for themselves.

I was angry at that higher power that had held us in that mode for years.

I had a revelation during this soul-searching: amidst countless pages of sacred text, one word stood out — love. I understood the absolute irony of following a book with so many pages when, in reality, one little four-letter word says it all – love. This realization pulled me from a dark, fearful place into an open field flooded with light and freedom. There, I made peace with the past.

Reflecting on the process of deconstruction, it’s incredible to have moved past the dangers to a place of peace.

It might seem unsure sometimes, but deep down, it’s real. You realize that anyone can take any writing, bend it, and manipulate it to meet their needs. This has nothing to do with a higher power but is based solely on their selfish needs. Understanding this sets you free and lets you step another foot into healing — the meadow.

Here, the light shines upon you, and the anger towards “their beliefs” slowly fades. You begin to understand that their version of love was based solely on self-gain and self-gratification. If you do return and pick up the sacred text you left in the woods, all the words disappear except one — love.

Love, just love. Peace overtakes you as you realize that through all the sermons, counseling, and so-called “interventions,” life comes down to the greatest of these: love.

You recognize all the rules and regulations don’t matter. What matters is love.

Love is the essence of a higher power, love is the way we treat each other, enabling us to step back during those intense moments and reevaluate our actions before reacting. 

Love embodies the compassion for those we were instructed to cast aside and sets boundaries for those who seek to hurt us. Love serves as our guide, our healer, enabling us to heal those unfamiliar with its power.

It’s so simple, yet it has no bounds. Take comfort that the woods are behind you. This realization allows you into the meadow to feel the simple presence of love. When this love permeates your being, it empowers you to establish boundaries while offering guidance and encouragement. The key was always within you. Now, you comprehend how to use it.

You become a beacon of its simple truth as you utilize this key of love. Share this wisdom with anyone who will listen.

For those stuck in the woods, your words bring strength, helping them shed shame and guilt. With your guidance, they can start fresh, guided by love.

I write this to encourage you wherever you are in your journey — deep in the woods and ready to take a first step, or walking in the middle of the meadow.

Allow yourself time to deconstruct the painful and restrictive rules placed upon you, whatever that looks like for you. Keep going past the sadness and anger until you reach a sense of peace.

Believe that you are the author of your remaining chapters; pick up the pen and write the rest of your story!

Celestine Alderwood is a mom of many, religious abuse survivor, teacher and student of life.